Showing posts with label author. Show all posts
Showing posts with label author. Show all posts

Friday, September 2, 2011

Lesson 10: The End





So after they get together and kiss and talk about how much they love each other... blah, blah, blah... because this is a series, this is how AJ and I chose to end the book--just to give the reader a little taste of what is to come--taken from Eternity:

EPILOGUE

After I had cooled my heels for a considerable while outside I was finally allowed in.  I’d almost lost my nerve a few times, but then every instance I began to change my mind, my brother’s worried face would come to the forefront again and I just knew without a shadow of a doubt that I had to do this.
Laurelia was right, I would never be happy unless I knew my brother was okay.  Not now, not after all we’d been through, I couldn’t let him go and face a world like that on his own.  A world that might ultimately lead him to kill himself; I knew Aurelius would never make it through a life like that. 
“You wanted to see me?” Father asked as he motioned into his office.
“Yes.”  I took a deep breath and gazed vacantly at the beautifully decorated room, while settling down into the plush chair that was offered .  God moved around to sit in the chair next to me, swiveling his around to face mine.  His eyes searched through me for a minute or so, before he nodded his head and let out a sigh. 
“I was afraid of this.  Are you sure you really want to go this route?”
“Yes.  I have to take his place. I realize that by working my way up the chain of command as I did—changing my destiny, and becoming a general, I’ve also ruined things for my brother.  I can’t do that to him.  I can’t.  I have to go back and be the man I was meant to become, or he will face my trials and die.”
Father’s brow creased and he pursed his lips while he looked me over, his head shaking a little in confusion.  “You’re a greater man than I gave you credit for, Petrus.”  He brought his fingers up to stroke his short beard and continued, “Do you have any idea what people would do for the life you’ve been granted with General Laurelia?  Many men would give their souls to be with her.  Look at Soren, he went mad in his attempts to woo her, and yet you—you own her heart and are willing to walk away.”
“No.”  I held my rising anger in check, barely.  The sensation was raw and confusing, particularly in God’s presence.  “You completely misunderstand the situation then, Father.  I love her with everything I have.  There is no one—no one, I would rather be with—and this is by far the hardest thing that I’ve ever had to do. The only way I could do it, is with her blessing.  Had it not been for her assurance that everything will work out, I would never propose to leave her side for a single moment.”
God too was angry—I didn’t see it coming until he slammed his hand upon the arm of his chair.  “And what of Laurelia?  What of her?  Have you not thought of what this could do to her?  You saw Lucifer’s reaction towards her.  How could you leave her unprotected like that? What if he claimed her life before you proved yourself worthy of joining her side again?  If you take on this life with your brother, you will be living on two very separate continents, it’s not even guaranteed you two will ever meet. ”  He stood up.  “Perhaps, my son, you do not love her as you believe you do.”
Until that moment, I didn’t realize how close to Laurelia he truly was—how could he not be close?  Her whole strength and unwavering devotion and faith to him would make any father proud, but one who truly knew her worth would be over the moon. 
“Father,” I tried to maintain some decorum and a level of respect for the man in front of me, “I love her.  There is nothing at all that I wouldn’t do for that woman.  My life did not begin until I met her, there was no purpose and never will be again if anything were to happen to her.  My reason for coming here, was not just to propose I be given my old life back—but to ask that you also allow me to endure all of Laurelia’s trials. Anything Satan wishes to send her way, divert to me.  Give them all to me, until I can be there to hold her and support her as I need to—until I can find my way back to her.  I will find her.”
“Great Heavens,” God mumbled as he sat back down.  “Petrus, do you have any idea what it is you’ve proposed to take on for yourself?  Any idea what your life would become?  You know the life that awaits you—the life that would kill Aurelius, and now you intend to take on all the trials of the one woman Lucifer has pledged to target, as well?  Are you completely out of your mind?”
I remained standing, my jaw tightening.  “I don’t care—I-I cannot leave her to him unprotected and I cannot shirk my duty towards my brother.  What would you have me do?  Until I can be with her, this is the only way.  Give them to me; all of their pain and suffering—make it mine—all of it.”
“Petrus, no!”  God shook his head.  “No man could withstand what you propose and live, it’s too risky.”  He got up and moved over to the desk, walking behind it—in a dismissive gesture.  “You’re too important now to the end of the world, we can’t risk losing you.”
I slammed my hand upon the desk to get his attention.  “Better me than her!” 
“You can’t do it!”                                                                                           
“Yes, I can!  If anyone can it’s me.  You know this.  Think Father; think what I have accomplished already.  I, the only man in all of heaven to do so—you must let me do this!  You must.”  I leaned forward searching his eyes.  “Besides, if I don’t take on her trials, Laurelia will have it no other way; she’s determined that I help my brother.  You know how she is—there will be no convincing her otherwise—and I can’t live knowing she’ll be attacked by Satan as she will be—I need your reassurance, and I need it now, that she will have as perfect a life as you can give her until I can find her again.”
Father met my stare straight on, but I didn’t flinch, allowing him to see to the true depth of my character. 
“Does she know?” he asked quietly.
“No.”  I closed my eyes, running my hand over my face.  “No, and she’d annihilate me if she did.  This will only work if I have your permission now, and a promise that she will never know what it is I’ve done in exchange for her protection.”
Father nodded his head slowly his hand reaching out to clasp my elbow.
“But you must understand, my son, I do not bargain with my children often and I only do so in this manner with you now, because I think of the love between your sweet Mother and I, and how your words echo some of my own.  What man wouldn’t wish to protect his love as you are?  It is done.  It will all happen as you wish.”
I let out a sigh of relief and bowed as low as I could, sealing my fate forever. 
“Thank you.  I promise that you will not regret this.”
He looked at me with great sadness.
“I already do, my son; I only hope that I do not grow to regret it even more deeply.”

Homework HOMEFUN ASSIGNMENT: Post your endings.  For those of you who are really proud of your endings, I'd like you to post them so everyone else can learn from you as well.  

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Lesson 7: Double Trouble

Hey guys!  Today we're going to be talking about Double Trouble... or in other words, those pesky repeat words.  <--Did you see that?  I just put the same word twice.  That's what I'm talking about.


Here's the video:






  
Example One: If you notice, none of my sentences start with the same word, in the same paragraph.   

Persuaded Chapter 13:

          He did!?  I smiled and rolled my eyes.  “Oh, please.  What do you care anyway?”
            My flippant reply seemed to check him.  Gregory squinted his eyes and looked away for a moment, before he brought his chocolate gaze back to mine.  “You know, I may have to answer that one day.  Do me a favor and keep asking, okay?”
            Keep asking what?  “What?”  I grinned; I couldn’t help it.  Gregory looked so unbelievably hot with those dark eyes smoldering into mine.  Flirting wasn’t my strong point; I never thought I had fully mastered the art.  Okay, fully mastered?  Who am I kidding?  That would imply that I actually practiced doing it first.  And since I had never done any such thing, I wasn’t exactly prepared for Gregory’s next words.  But I had a strong suspicion the guy was flirting with me.

There are creative ways to start you sentences... other, better ways--you've just got to find them.  

Example Two:  Watch carefully how I overuse the word arm(arms) in this paragraph. I did awesome on making sure each of my sentences started differently, but forgot to check inside that paragraph.  

Persuaded, Chapter 15--

        After a few more minutes; my aching muscles had turned to putty in his hands. Gregory ran his fingers down my arms to my elbows and gently turned me back around to face him.  When he released his hold on me, I looked up and smiled.  He had his arms outstretched, wide and inviting.  I didn’t hesitate or think; I just stepped forward, wrapped my arms around his waist and snuggled against his chest.  Tenderly his arms folded around me.  We stayed like that for a while in the darkened lobby of the hospital.  I wondered briefly what it would be like to always be held by Gregory.  


Homework HOMEFUN ASSIGNMENT:

FIRST I want you to go through your manuscripts and catch your double trouble.  <--this is crucial.  I can be giving you all the tips in the world, but if you're not applying them, then I'm wasting my breath!  Lol!

SECOND You can do one of two things in the comment section: I'd like you to either fix my paragraph above, trying to only use the word ARMS once.  Or, you can show me one of your double trouble paragraphs that you fixed.  

Thank you so much for coming on by!  Hope this helps! Can't wait to see what you put down.  
Jenni


PS If you're interested in one of the signed copies of Pride & Popularity, click here!

Friday, August 5, 2011

Lesson 6: Skizzle-Skerped

 Howdy guys!  Here's the video that'll explain what it is we're doing this week.  My daughter Bailey stopped by to help with some fun announcements.  Hope you enjoy! 



 So to make sure you don't skizzle-skerp your readers I'm gonna walk you through a couple of different scenes.  I'll be using one scene to show the difference between 1st, 3rd, and the lesser used 2nd person and then a another scene to show the difference between past and present tense.  Watch for those words that I change to make the tense or person different.  

Taken from Northanger Alibi (Oct 2011)--
FIRST PERSON:
“So are you trying to tell me you’re some sort of super hero and I’m your nemesis?”  
            “Nemesis, huh?  I think I like that word.  It sends out all sorts of danger signals.”
            Danger signals?  All at once I pictured Tony kissing me and I wondered briefly if his lips would be like Edward’s--cool marble.  And then, the silliest thing happened.  I said something so completely baffling and unlike me.  Maybe it was the recent conquest of Jaden, or the realization that Tony was interested, but whatever it was, I found myself going all movie star and using the most flirtatious line built into my subconscious that related to danger signals.  “So, do you like playing with fire?” 
            Tony groaned.  He fell for it.  Hook, line and sinker.

THIRD PERSON:
“So are you trying to tell me you’re some sort of super hero and I’m your nemesis?”  
            “Nemesis, huh?  I think I like that word.  It sends out all sorts of danger signals.”
            Danger signals?  All at once Claire pictured Tony kissing her and wondered briefly if his lips would be like Edward’s—cool marble.  And then, the silliest thing happened.  She said something so completely baffling and unlike her.  Maybe it was the recent conquest of Jaden, or the realization that Tony was interested, but whatever it was, Claire found herself going all movie star and using the most flirtatious line built into her subconscious that related to danger signals.  “So, do you like playing with fire?” 
            Tony groaned.  He fell for it.  Hook, line and sinker.
  
SECOND PERSON:
(this is generally used if you're writing a nonfiction book, or teaching someone something.)
“So are you trying to tell me you’re some sort of super hero and I’m your nemesis?”  
            “Nemesis, huh?  I think I like that word.  It sends out all sorts of danger signals.”
            Danger signals?  All at once you pictured Tony kissing you and wondered briefly if his lips would be like Edward’s—cool marble.  And then, the silliest thing happened.  You said something so completely baffling and unlike yourself.  Maybe it was the recent conquest of Jaden, or the realization that Tony was interested, but whatever it was, you found yourself going all movie star and using the most flirtatious line built into your subconscious that related to danger signals.  “So, do you like playing with fire?” 
            Tony groaned.  He fell for it.  Hook, line and sinker.


The very beginning of Persuaded

PAST TENSE:
(most publishers and readers prefer to read this tense
           
            There was an awkward tug, a twist and a slight jerk, before the glass beads spilled all over the floor. 
            I’m such an idiot!  This wasn’t even my necklace!
            He was supposed to have left by now.  He’d already said good-bye to his friends.  I watched as Gregory hovered in the doorway, debating over what he should do.  I decided I’d make it easier for him.  As I knelt on the floor I turned my back, completely ignoring him and picked up the mess. 
            There, now you can go.  See?  I don’t need you.  It’s only a few beads after all.  I sighed at the thought of being such a klutz in front of him, again.  It wasn’t a loud sigh, so I was surprised to see his long lean fingers surrounded by mine and the beads.  I glanced up and saw the top of his blonde head as he avoided me, yet, at the same time acknowledged the fact that I needed help.  It had been years since I’d seen that head and those hands so close to my own.  Years.  Bewildered, I paused a moment and didn’t know how to handle myself. 
            What I expected least was the joy of him being so near.  I’d anticipated misery and pain and awkwardness, but never joy.  With Gregory returned, I fully expected him to break my heart—as the punishment I deserved—not bring it joy.  Never joy.  I don’t deserve to be happy. 


PRESENT TENSE:
           
            There is an awkward tug, a twist and a slight jerk, before the glass beads spill all over the floor. 
            I’m such an idiot!  This wasn’t even my necklace!
            He was supposed to have left by now.  He’d already said good-bye to his friends.  I watch as Gregory hovers in the doorway, debating over what he should do.  I decide I’ll make it easier for him.  As I kneel on the floor I turn my back, completely ignoring him and pick up the mess. 
            There, now you can go.  See?  I don’t need you.  It’s only a few beads after all.  I sigh at the thought of being such a klutz in front of him, again.  It isn’t a loud sigh, so I am surprised to see his long lean fingers surround mine and the beads.  I glance up and see the top of his blonde head as he avoids me, yet, at the same time acknowledging the fact that I need help.  It has been years since I’ve seen that head and those hands so close to my own.  Years.  Bewildered, I pause a moment and don’t know how to handle myself. 
             

This is me trying to look all calm but really freaking out because I've finally got to see and hold my book!  YAY!!!
 McKenna was officially the very first teen to get to hold my book!  
See how excited she is? :)
 Doesn't it look like the cutest book ever?  Hehehe!  
 I love the spine!  So beautiful!  My design artist over at Inkberry Press did amazing!  I LOVE AMY! :)

Homework HOMEFUN ASSIGNMENT: After you read through your book and make sure you're not skizzle-skerping your readers, I want you to come on here and comment.  Let me know what you plan to do the day you actually get to hold your book in your hands.  What will you do to celebrate when you get published?  

Friday, July 15, 2011

Lesson 3: Develop that Character (+bonus lesson w/PATTI LARSEN! Sensory)

Hi guys! It's an awesome day today.  We've got the totally amazing Patti Larsen as a guest author.  So be sure to welcome her. Two ultra cool ways to make your book better!  :)

But first, we've got Lesson 3 from me.  


Answer these 20 questions for EVERY crucial character in your book.  You'll be grateful you did! :)

Character Development Sheet: 

1. What is their full name and what does it mean?
2. What's their favorite color?
3. What's their favorite food?
4. What do they like to do?
5. Do they have a favorite TV show or author?
6. What's their favorite type of music/bands/singers?
7. Who's their role model/idol? 
8. What's their family life like? 
9. Do they have brothers & sisters?  How many of each/names?
10. What's their favorite animal?
11. What do they wish for?
12. What do they want to be when they're older?
13. What are they afraid of?
14. What embarrasses them?
15. What makes them happiest? 
16. List 5 good things about them.
17. List 5 of their worst traits.
18. Where do they live?
19. Where do they wish they could travel to?
20. If they could take back one instance in their life, what would it be?  What do they regret most? 

Homework  HOMEFUN ASSIGNMENT

In the comments mention one new thing you learned about one of your characters.  (Fill the rest of the character sheets out on your own. I promise it's really fun to do! :) )  Don't forget to see Patti's lesson too.  You guys are so lucky! :)


Patti Larsen’s Guest Lesson: Sensory Writing


First, let me say a MASSIVE thank you to Jenni for letting me be a part of this amazing process! I love teaching, sharing, imparting, expounding, explaining… you get the point, right? I’ll slap a bit more about me and who I am at the end of this post but for now I’m too excited and want to get going. Don’t you?

Today’s lesson is all about writing from a sensory point of view. We have five, after all and, if you believe in such things or even write about them (hello paranormal!) six.

Like Jenni, I’ve posted the majority of the lesson in the video below:



Example One—Fresco, Chapter Two

Senseless:

Fresco stood on the sidewalk and watched as Justin’s truck drove past into the intersection, hitting another car. The two vehicles spun toward the curb, locked together.

Using Senses:

Fresco had a heartbeat to register he now stood on the sidewalk next to the stop sign. The sun beamed down on him, warming his face. The world was silent, a jolting change from the blaring music. Justin’s black truck roared past in the next breath, careened into the intersection, t-boned by the blue sedan. The impact rippled the air, rushing over, through and past him in a shockwave. He felt it before he heard metal shriek and clash, the deep thrum of humming tires, the sharp bellow of shattering safety glass, the thrum of releasing airbags. The two vehicles melded together with enough force to spin them 180 degrees and come to a screeching halt against the opposite curb. Smoke billowed from the front of the blue car, bits of yellow and red plastic scattered as though tossed with casual disdain. Something within the crippled four-door hissed and sputtered its way down to death, its bonnet compressed, embedded in the passenger side of Justin’s four by four. The truck bent inward where the cab met the box but appeared almost intact compared to the crumpled mess of the family midsize.

This example is obvious and out there, the descriptions fleshed out and drawing on all the senses.

Example Two—Curiosities, Inc, Chapter Four 

Senseless:

Danny walked in the front door.

“Gram?” No answer. Relieved she wouldn’t have to make small talk, Danny headed for the kitchen.

Using Senses:
Danny stepped into the cool, musty quiet of the front hall and closed the heavy door behind her. She kicked off her sneakers, piling them in an untidy heap on the mat by the door. She thought she heard quiet voices talking, but couldn’t tell from where.
“Gram?” She called upstairs. The voices fell silent. Come to think of it, the house felt empty, still. She was pretty sure she was alone. No answer from her grandmother, anyway. Relieved that she wouldn’t be forced to make small talk and lie about how great her day was and passing off the voices as the murmurs of the old house, she drifted through the front living room.

Here, the example is more subtle. Cool implies physical feeling of temperature. Musty speaks to scent and quiet to hearing. Three simple words tell the reader volumes without having to go to deeply into description. Can you spot the rest?

Example Three—Henry

Senseless:

The town sign read Avlin, Texas, pop. 967. Viviana paused there for a moment before driving on.

Using Senses:

The neglected town sign emerged from the rippling heat. Avlin, Texas, pop. 968. No, sixty-seven. The eight was crossed off.

Viviana paused there, far from the interstate, from civilization really, all tumbleweeds and cacti in the Texas sunshine. She dabbed perspiration from her upper lip with a delicate handkerchief, cursing the rental agent who swore the car had air conditioning. Such curses were not to be taken lightly. That false young man would suffer a whole year of hurt because he tried to pull one over on an old lady.

Viviana popped a freshly pickled eyeball into her mouth and hit the gas.

Is it making sense (no pun intended!) to you now?

Now that you’ve seen the examples, ask yourself: are the differences obvious? Which connects you better to the characters, the scene, the story? Is it better to use sensory writing or worse? Is there such a thing as too much sensory writing? Can you go overboard?

Of course! There’s no need to use this type of writing for all five (six) senses in every scene. Choose the one (or two) that makes the most impact on the story. And play with it. Vision isn’t always the best choice, for example.

Using sensory writing will add great depth and vibrancy to your writing. And it’s fun!

Homework HOMEFUN ASSIGNMENT (remember for everyone who comments, there will be a contest later): 

Read the following sentence:

Mary sat in her chair and waited.

Plain, ordinary and boring, right? Okay, here’s your assignment! Layer on the sensory writing! What is she smelling? Tasting? What does the chair feel like? What can she hear? Is she a telepath? Go WAY over the top with this adding as much sensory writing to it as you possibly can. I want to feel like I’m right there next to her.

Now, pare it back. Which are the most important ones to her particular story? What can you cut out and still get across the tale you’re telling? Play around with adding the unusual because it can lead you places in your writing you never expected. Have fun!


PATTI LARSEN:

Oh and I promised a little about me… I’m a mainly YA author of paranormal and dark urban fantasy, though I dabble in adult thrillers as well. I have several books coming out over the next six months, the first of which is Fresco with Etopia Press. The sequels are right on it’s heels! I also have a YA paranormal series, the Hayle Coven novels, signed with Etopia, a middle grade novel coming Spring 2012 with Acorn Press and an adult/YA crossover thriller called Best Friends Forever also with Etopia. I teach a writing structure workshop, Get Your Book Done 101 and when I’m not writing I’m thinking about it.

You can find me at http://pattilarsen.blogspot.com where I write about my favorite subject—writing. And at http://pattilarsenbooks.blogspot.com where I write about my second favorite subject—my novels.

Twitter I’m @PattiLarsen
Facebook you can find me at http://facebook.com/pattilarsenauthor


Psst... Isn't she amazing?  Thank you Patti for stopping by.  You so rock! :) --Jenni