Lucky for me I found this old blog post from my real blog HERE, dated a couple of years ago. I think this is exactly what you're looking for:
Okay so many of you already know this... and even more of you have already stumbled across my query letter that is posted around the net in various places. Yes, I'm very open about my publishing process, so if there's anything you would like to know--anything at all--ask me and I'll answer as best I can.A little while ago, I had a few requests to post my REAL query letter. The one that got me my totally awesome agent Kirsten Manges back in August. (Along with 6 other very interested agents--that I had to turn down.)
For those of you who have no idea what i'm talking about, don't worry, you're not alone. I had never even heard of a query letter until last April--and then I freaked out trying to decide how to write one. So here's the deal. After you write your novel (COMPLETE it. Step One) and then you give it to all of your friends to read for critiques and edits (EDIT it. Step Two) then you start searching for literary agents online and write out your query letter to see if they're interested in your book. (Query it. Step three) Once you've come up with the perfect query letter that sounds like you, makes your book exciting, and convinces the agent to ask for more--This is Not easy btw--You begin to query.
Now, I tweaked this letter about 6 or 7 times during the 8 weeks I sent out 50 queries to 50 different agents... by the time I tweaked it for the last time, my "thanks but no thanks" rejections became..."Ooh, I love the sound of this. Send me more."
Once the agents started getting interested I knew I had hit query perfection! LOL! Yes, I was a happy girl. And amazingly agented just 2 1/2 weeks after the final query was made.
So here it is. My final draft. Hope this helps.
Dear Ms--- (add their full name!),
In a world where drama is everything, Chloe Elizabeth Hart has found she cannot abide the conceited antics of the popular crowd. –Or more importantly, one very annoying self-possessed guy, Taylor Anderson, who is determined to make her the president of his fan club! As if! Every girl in the whole city of Farmington, New Mexico is in love with Taylor, but he seems to be only interested in her.
The reader laughs, simmers and loves with Chloe in the romantic high school roller coaster ride called Pride and Popularity. Chloe follows the same lines and battlefields drawn out by Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice two hundred years ago, with a much more modern twist:
~Instead of attending balls…its parties, dates and high school dances.
~Instead of letters…it’s passed notes, emails and cell phone calls.
~And instead of marriage proposals…its boyfriends, prom and gorgeous dresses!
I am a professional children’s theater director/playwright and have written and produced three full length (3-act) plays for children/teens, Cinderella (2006), The Greatest Fairy tale EVER! (2007) and Snow White a Tale of Envy (2008). This is my first novel. With my background in professional theater I have spoken in many public speaking events and theater seminars.
Please, let me know if you are interested in reading more of the completed 63,500 word count YA manuscript. Until then, I will continue working on its Jane Austen sequel Persuaded, which is set in the same rural city as Pride and Popularity. Being part of the world wide fan base of Austenites who love rewrites/sequels, I hope to modernize and recreate all six of the beloved Austen novels for teens. –Which has never been done before! As a mother of six, my ultimate goal is to present tweens/teens with an alternative to the ever popular chick lit novel on the shelves today, with good clean characters and positive heroes to emulate.
NOTE: If the punctuation marks are off-kilter, it is due to my email program. The full manuscript has been edited by a second party. Below, I have included a brief synopsis and sample chapter.
Thank you, for your consideration and your time.
Sincerely,
Jenni James
The reader laughs, simmers and loves with Chloe in the romantic high school roller coaster ride called Pride and Popularity. Chloe follows the same lines and battlefields drawn out by Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice two hundred years ago, with a much more modern twist:
~Instead of attending balls…its parties, dates and high school dances.
~Instead of letters…it’s passed notes, emails and cell phone calls.
~And instead of marriage proposals…its boyfriends, prom and gorgeous dresses!
I am a professional children’s theater director/playwright and have written and produced three full length (3-act) plays for children/teens, Cinderella (2006), The Greatest Fairy tale EVER! (2007) and Snow White a Tale of Envy (2008). This is my first novel. With my background in professional theater I have spoken in many public speaking events and theater seminars.
Please, let me know if you are interested in reading more of the completed 63,500 word count YA manuscript. Until then, I will continue working on its Jane Austen sequel Persuaded, which is set in the same rural city as Pride and Popularity. Being part of the world wide fan base of Austenites who love rewrites/sequels, I hope to modernize and recreate all six of the beloved Austen novels for teens. –Which has never been done before! As a mother of six, my ultimate goal is to present tweens/teens with an alternative to the ever popular chick lit novel on the shelves today, with good clean characters and positive heroes to emulate.
NOTE: If the punctuation marks are off-kilter, it is due to my email program. The full manuscript has been edited by a second party. Below, I have included a brief synopsis and sample chapter.
Thank you, for your consideration and your time.
Sincerely,
Jenni James
(Then all my contact info: email, phone, addy)
PROMISED LINK: http://agentquery.com
Homework HOMEFUN ASSIGNMENT:
I want you to query me. I will PRETEND to be an agent and tell you PASS or ACCEPT, just to let you know if I would've asked for more of the book simply based on the query. You're welcome to write more than one query if I PASS just to see if I'll ACCEPT again with a stronger query. :)
PROMISED LINK: http://agentquery.com
I want you to query me. I will PRETEND to be an agent and tell you PASS or ACCEPT, just to let you know if I would've asked for more of the book simply based on the query. You're welcome to write more than one query if I PASS just to see if I'll ACCEPT again with a stronger query. :)
Dear Ms Jenni James,
ReplyDeleteKirsty Hill has always wanted to go down under and now she's left school for a gap year she is heading to Sydney. With free accomadation in return for babysitting for a family friend Kirsty has spent her time planning what she will do with her days in Australia. One thing she doesn't plan on is falling in love.
Enter Ben Ellis, funny, sweet and a bit of a pervert he captures Kirsty's heart but they both know their relationship can only last a year before Kirsty travels home.
Filled with love, heartbreak and a barrell of laughs the reader is bound to feel connected with Kirsty and Ben's story. Based on a future life experience, (italics here) The Gap Year (end italics here) is a story aimed for young adults.
I have had a poem published by HarperTeen and a poem and mini saga published in Young Writers Anthogies and author of many short stories, some of which posted on the writing site Wattpad.
If you are interested in reading my full manuscript of my YA story (italics start) The Gap Year (end italics) around 50,000 words in length, please contact me on (enter contact details).
Thank you for your time,
Selene Dunn
It says that the video is private, even though I'm signed in, subscribed etc...is there any way I can watch it?
ReplyDeleteOops! It's fixed now Rachael. thank you for the heads up!
ReplyDelete@Selena... I loved how you started it and I love the layout of the rest, it's a great query. I'm just not really sold on the story pitch. That first paragraph, while started perfectly, needs to have more of a punch factor to convince me to read more.
ReplyDeleteSo I'll say... PASS. go ahead and try again.
(And yes, I'll treat everyone like a real agent will)
Dear Ms Jenni James,
ReplyDeleteBorn and raised in the not-so-sunny Scotland, Kirsty Hill has a longing to flee somewhere sunny, which is what she does. For a year. Going on a gap year, bringing only a summer wardrobe, a laptop and a stack of Bill Bryson books, Kirsty has her whole year planned from going to the Sydney Opera House to scuba-diving in the Great Barrier Reef.
Enter Ben Ellis, a sweet, humourous and a bit of a pervert he takes Kirsty on the one adventure she didn't plan - falling in love.
Filled with love, heartbreak and a barrell of laughs the reader is bound to feel connected with Kirsty and Ben's story. Based on a future life experience, (italics here) The Gap Year (end italics here) is a story aimed for young adults.
I have had a poem published by HarperTeen and a poem and mini saga published in Young Writers Anthogies and author of many short stories, some of which posted on the writing site Wattpad. I am also a straight A student who plays trumpet and guitar, writing music is one of my hobbies.
If you are interested in reading my full manuscript of my YA story (italics start) The Gap Year (end italics) around 50,000 words in length, please contact me on (enter contact details).
Thank you for your time,
Selene Dunn
Okay. Much better! Mention she's going to Australia, or down under some where. And take out the word pervert and instead write bad boy and I'll be sold.
ReplyDelete:)
Would it be better to say and has a bit of a dirty mind?
ReplyDeleteOops I meant to put that in after gap year :-P
Dear Jenni,
ReplyDeleteYou're so pretty!
Just putting it out there. :D
Remy xx
Dear Mrs. Jenni James,
ReplyDeleteThe hunk of his school and an all rounder as well, Tyler Nelson would be the last person you would think of as being lonely. A starter for the school's football team and the center of attention for all his crazed friends, there was hardly any chance of them knowing what had really happened to Tyler…What he feared most?
Throw in a greasy man, an evil looking whip and a beautiful green eyed girl, him standing still through the whole thing and you have brought alive Tyler's worst nightmare. But when the same green eyed girl happens to be seen in his school, in his own classroom poor Tyler is scared out of his wits.
So when the both of them are forced to do a biology project together interesting things began to sprout. As Tyler searches for the truth behind the scene he had witnessed and the mystery surrounding the green eyed Emma Williams, little did he know about the love he would feel for this mysterious girl…or the risks he would take to protect her and change what has already taken place.
My work has been used by many teachers for examples for grade A work. Along with being put on a website called Wattpad, on which it has already gained a fan base. I am a straight A student as well as in Enriched classes. I went to an French immersion, am still continuing with the Language and planning on getting college credit for it. I am also involved in my school’s choir as well as volleyball.
Please let me know if you are interested in the full 550,00 word manuscript. I appreciate your time. I look forward to your response.
(contact info)
Sincerely,
Tess
Dear Ms. Jenni James,
ReplyDelete‘A seventeen year-old fairy godmother trainee gets a new assignment: The hottest guy—GUY—at school. Easy, right? Wrong.’
Magically poofing in somebody’s bathroom while that somebody is taking a shower is not the best way to start off a friendship—that, Remy learned the hard way. After screwing up her previous mission months ago, Remy, a teenage fairy godmother trainee, gets another assignment. And it’s not just another assignment: She’ll be having a MALE ‘godchild.’ To make it worse, he is the school’s hottest guy, a.k.a. Kyle Hughes. Oh, and not to mention that she had a major crush on him since, like, forever.
But when she magically appeared in his shower, everything went wrong. He hated her, he called her a pervert, he was convinced that she was deranged and mentally-retarded, and he didn’t want her help. But with Remy’s wish to have a full-on career as a certified fairy godmother at stake, she’ll do just everything to find Kyle’s happily ever after, even if it did involve quite a few tricks, snakes, broken magic wands, more of her famous screw ups, nasty witches who are out to get her, and her heart breaking.
Question is: What about her happily ever after?
Well, with her magic wand and her awesome poofing skills, anything is possible—NOT.
A fairy tale with a modern twist, a proof that nobody is too old for fairy tales.
Set in the modern times with a splurge of humor and romance thrown together, readers will surely find themselves relating to Remy as she continues to try--and fail, whether it's with her magic, her teenage hormones, or her seemingly harmless crush. Young adults, the target readers, would easily imagine themselves as Remy, minus the magic wand and all.
I think of myself as someone married to writing. Before I was even a teenager, I think I've fallen in love with words and began writing since then. Most of my stories are posted on the net on some amateur writing sites (Wattpad, Wordpress, Inkpop, etc.). I don't have much experience, but I'm taking this chance to have "Remy Unenchanted" as my debut novel.
Please let me know if, by some miracle, you are interested in reading the full copy of my (insert word count here)word manuscript.
I am grateful for allowing me to take your time.
Respectfully yours,
Kierra M. T.
(contact infor here)
**actually, the novel isn't even finished yet, but I really wanted to try this.
Dear Mrs. James,
ReplyDeleteLife was never easy for Elizabeth. Her mother died when she was three, and her father was always to busy with foreign ambassadors and his son, Edward. The English throne passes from him to Edward to Mary, the half-sister who always despised Elizabeth, until all three are dead and Elizabeth is the only Tudor left.
Now, faced with the challenge of being Queen of England, Elizabeth must trek through a new life—a life full of forbidden love, endless suitors, and dangerous enemies—to discover her own worth.
Filled with love, handsome princes, and rules that were made for breaking, middle- and high-school readers will connect with the passionate, forgotten princess who was given the duty of taking matters into her own hands.
I am a (insert accomplishments here).
Please let me know if you are interested in reading the full (word count)-word manuscript. Meanwhile, I will be working on my next novel, Queen of Hearts, that focuses on the early reign of Cleopatra VII of Egypt. I hope to complete a series of books based on the lives of historical women who made a difference, especially in eras ruled by men. My goal is to introduce teens and preteens to history in a way that is interesting and realistic at the same time.
Thank you for your cconsideration,
Chloe Helton
Can I still query you?
ReplyDeleteDear Mrs James,
ReplyDeleteThe war has lasted 10 long years, and the Giskens have victory in their sights. The Giskens and their Jotiese and Abunaki allies have almost conquered every country in the world. Only two countries are left: Caitha and Mirinia, and Mirinia has made a deal with the Giskens that if they aren't invaded, they will supply them with anything they need.
Elise, who lives in a small town in rural Caitha, feels that the war is still far away. That is, until Olrick, a family friend, comes to the inn Elise's father runs with a terrifying story to tell... and the scars to prove it! Thrust into a world torn apart by war, the line between right and wrong is blurred, Elise is faced with an impossible decision: save her country, or save her loved ones.
Based on true events and filled with war, spies, revenge and love, teenagers will find themselves entrenched in a war not only to keep Caitha free, but to give all those who have already fallen hope. Hope for a future where everybody is free.
I am a (insert all my sweet accomplishments XD)
Please let me know if you are interested in reading the full (word count)-word manuscript. Meanwhile, I will be working on my next novel, A Foreign Field, which focuses more on the background of a character who, in the previous book, was killed. I hope to complete a series of Dark Fiction novels based on events from the World Wars. I hope that, by focusing on some of the more interesting stories, to world history that otherwise may be seen as "boring."
Thank you for your consideration,
Sybil Cochrane
Dear Ms. James,
ReplyDeleteWhen a young, 22 year old girl and her five month old sister move from Florida to Vermon, she leaves the people she meets confuse. Especialy when her ex-boyfriend comes to find her and she suddenly falls asleep! Wo is this girl and why is this Richard so important to her story?
This is a short Y.A. story about love and friendship. Readers will fall in love with Ava's struggle on holding onto her own life and dealing with the secrets of the past. It has a PG rating and can be read by higher middle grade readers though it does take place in a collge setting life style. It may be short but is has a touching story that readers all over the country will love.
I love to read and write and I have for a long, long time. I have a very active imagination and I have tryed long and hard to get my ideas out on paper. I have won second place in a short story contest in seventh grade as well as getting strait A's that same year. My grades are solid A's and B's. I was accepted into and honors english class my freshman year and I have participated in the school musical Grease, also winning the Standing Ovation Award from my drama teacher. I like to keep my writing as PG rating as possible and I like to explore different styles of story telling.
Please contact me at (insert personal contact information) if you are interested in reading my at least 3,000 word count (per chapter) book called Hope of the Mind. While you decide on my story I will work on my other book At the Whim which is a story inspied by my person experiences.
I have attached the First two chapters of my short story for you to read if you are interested.
Thank you for your time and consideration to the time I have worked on my story.
Stokes the Mighty
(Story attchments)
Dear Ms. Jenni James,
ReplyDeleteRai is a Nightmare, a creature that lives off of eating human dreams. She's rebellious and an expert troublemaker and for the mischief she has caused, she is banished to the human dimension with her powers limited. She'll have to adapt to her new life while making sure she doesn't catch unwanted attention.
The reader follows Rai as she deals with multidimensional housemates, Nightmare hunters, and a special boy, who is not all human. She has to figure out how to overthrow a dimensional takeover all the while hiding her secrets and suppressing her dark side.
Some of my shorter work has been used in my high school's literary magazine for the school years of 2011-2012 and 2012-2013. For the 2012-2013 magazine I was assistant editor. I have my own blog that I use as a creative writing outlet and I have a steady number of viewers from all over the world.
Contact me (insert contact info) if you want to read the full 61,000 word count novel which will be the first book of Rai's story.
I have attached the first 3 chapters of my book in case you want to read more. Thank you for your consideration and time.
Rose Bast
(attachment)
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteDear Mrs. Jannie James,
ReplyDeleteI have a question. How do you begin? You've told us, students, I guess, about ends and middles and all, but what about the beginning? Or even with a chapter. How do you start? That's been lingering in my mind ever since I started writing. I start as if the character is doing something and then she says something and what not but it's really hard to write beginnings. Can you make a lesson for it by any chance. With that said/written/typed, have a good day.
Anna
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteDear Ms. Jennie James,
ReplyDeleteEleventra is the Bearer of Power, trained her whole life to fulfill a dragon’s prophecy of saving the world from the Dark Heart, a man corrupted by his jealousy of the elves, and his thirst for their immortality and power.
Eleventra is terrified of failing. She wants to give away her burden to another, but is the only person able to bear it. She sails to a land of elves hardened by the prejudice of humans, dwarves, and their own kin. The same prejudice that made the Dark Heart, once the elves’ friend, into the creature he traded his humanity for. He fears them, and so Eleventra uses them as her shield. She searches for seven stones forged by her father before his death. Together the stones will make a weapon that only she can wield to destroy the Dark Heart.
Among the elves is a warrior who is most stalwart in loyalty to Eleventra. He fights to protect her despite her attempts to dissuade him. She fears that he might be killed by her enemies, and so refuses his attentions against her own heart’s desires. Alone she searches for the stones that become one with her soul. They whisper desperate thoughts into her heart. They fight her to find their brothers. Eleventra must learn to tame them, and find the rest before the Dark Heart. If not, he would wipe out the elven race, turn humans into immortal monsters, and destroy everything that Eleventra learns to love.
Bearer of Power: The Stranger is 156,000 word YA Fantasy novel. Thank you for your time and consideration. I have attached [requested pieces]. The full manuscript is available upon request.
Sincerely,
Jessica
(I had this up on agentquery, but only got one round of critiques. I'm hoping it's not that hopeless. And do you know anything about the new adult age group? I think it may be a slightly better age fit...maybe).
Alright, I had a friend who's helped me to revise the query. Any further advice would be appreciated.
DeleteDear Ms. Jennie James,
Eleventra is burdened with a dragon’s prophecy of having to save the world from the Dark Heart, a man corrupted by his jealousy of the elves, and his lust for their immortality and power.
Terrified of failing, Eleventra wishes to pass her burden onto another, but she alone is able to bear it.
Knowing the Dark Heart fears the elves Eleventra travels to their land, intent on using them as her shield. She searches for the seven stones forged by her father before his death. Together these stones will form a weapon that only she can wield to destroy the Dark Heart.
Eleventra finds the elves hardened by the prejudice humans, dwarves, and even their own kin have against them. The very same prejudice that made the Dark Heart into the creature he is now.
Among the elves is a warrior, Doristanen, who is loyal and kind to Eleventra. Eleventra is drawn to him, feeling an attachment she has never known before. But she is intent on the prophecy, and knows that if she fails to become the Bearer of Power, the Dark Heart will destroy the elven race, turn humans into immortal monsters, and destroy everything that Eleventra learns to love.
Bearer of Power: The Stranger is 156,000 word YSA Fantasy novel. Thank you for your time and consideration. I have attached [requested pieces]. The full manuscript is available upon request.
Sincerely,
Jessica